Lao Elephants vs Vietnam Swans - August 8 - Hanoi

Swans filing into Hanoi in preparation to take on the Elephants
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Elephants far and wide - the greatest Australian Rules Football rivalry in the world will once again resume with the Lao Elephants on tour to tackle Vietnams finest, the Vietnam Swans in Hanoi. The date for this eagerly anticipated tussle is Saturday August 8th, scheduled for the pleasantly sunny Hanoi time of 12 - 2.

Immediate questions come to mind, have the Elephants after there relatively recent victory in Cambodia at the Indo-China Champs and management positions filled with new trunks & tusks gotten ahead of themselves, this writer suggests they may have. Will Vietnam exert revenge over there once easy-beat neighbours in this perfect lead-in to the 10th Annual Asian Champs to be held in KL. Elephants, by your tickets, get fit, and see you soon in Hanoi.

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Asian Champs Date Set – September 5 – Kuala Lumpur – Malaysia

Phants stomping to victory in the Bodge
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After the recent scouting trip and approval by Dick Pratt and Chris Judd (possible bench spot mooted); Kuala Lumpur has been confirmed as host of the 10th Annual Asian Championships in Malaysia on September the 5th.

Last years championships saw the unveiling of the Laos Elephants as a force to be reckoned with, not only inside the P.D.R. but also outside of it. Un-witnessed by the author, the phants took the tournament by the trunk and hit heights not seen since the dawning of the Phants in 1975 led by President Kaysone Phomvihane on a half-back-flank in a Glenn Lovett esque sweeping role. A remarkable crowning of Indo-China Champions in Phenom Phen saw the Elephants finest day yet also one of its saddest with a raft of retirees and as such a new dawn has risen.

The Laos Elephants biography "From calf, to mahout to the best team in Asian Football STOMP STOMP - the true story of the pink and grey" is being compiled by ex-president Sharples and will soon be found in all credible book stores ie Dimmy's.

A new Coach, GM and President help to usher in the phants for an enormous 2009 Asian Football Season, with the one constant remaining the unmovable Captain and Vice-Captain, both set to release their autobiographies soon, also at be found at Dimmys. With a number of warm-up fixtures scheduled prior to the Championships a call is being made to all current and previous elephant...

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Lao Elephants V Vietnam Swans - Saturday 26th July

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Lao Elephants V Vietnam Swans - Saturday 26th July 3.30PM Dong Dok Stadium, University of Laos. 

BE THERE (please)

• Party after the game at Borpanyang Bar
  
• Beer + Food
  
• DJ Set by Uluvus
  

To quote some dodgy rug sales guy off the TV...

"It's gonna be MEGA!"

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Selection Headaches for Coach Hassett

With the Lao Elephants set to come up against the Jakarta Bintangs in a 10 per side game in Vientiane on April 19th to kick of the Lao New Year, Coach Hassett is the envy of of every coach in South East Asia with an extraordinary array of talent spread throughout the PDR.

Amongst others Club mascot and all-round ferocious warlord Grant "The G-train" Follett is living on a newlywed diet of diesel and chips as he prepares for what he calls a "@!%#$@!% big !@%!@#$%". Well said G.

Andrew "Wil" Nolastname ran around the universe last weekend on a training run...in 7 minutes. Coach Hassett is said to be furious at his lack of commitment.

Chris "Sepo"Manley is said to be excited about the prospect of hurting people in April, despite having worked 9 million hours in the last month. 

Lao Hero Souk Soukinson will become the first Lao to ever represent Lao. History. Awesome History.

Sunny "Sideburns" Forsyth is back doing what he does best - sweating. Has delayed his departure from the PDR until 2037 for the Elephants. That rules.

Phil still doesnt wear shoes, Boris is still a massive unit, Bruce is still the only funk singer in the world called Bruce, George exists again and again, Tom C and S are Tom, Henry has been missing in action but definately 100% absolutely, no doubt, commited to playing on April 19th, and Paul pushes over sleeping cows.

So, you can no doubt see with al...

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Lao Elephants Vs. Jakarta Bintangs April 19th 2008

The pride of the Lao PDR - the Lao Elephants will take on the might of the Jakarta Bintangs one of the powerhouses of Asian football on April 19th in Vientiane. Despite their wearing of skirts to the 07 Asian Champs, this is a serious footy side. Any side that can play footy and survive in Jakartas smog has gotta be given serious respect.

The April 19th clash will be the first ever Australian Rules Football match held in the Lao PDR and the entire country is stoked with a weeks holiday having been called in the week prior to the match. This holiday also coincides nicely with the national New Year, an event famous for water pistols, beer lao, and talkin about footy.

........By the way, if anyone knows of a ground big enough to play this game on anywhere in the country email the club president at martysharples@hotmail.com

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ALLEGATIONS THAT LAO ELEPHANTS MASCOT AFRICAN ELEPHANT, NOT ASIAN...IN ACTUAL FACT HALF WOMBAT

The Lao Wildlife Conservation Society has suggested to team management that the Elephant used on the front of the Lao Elephants famous pink and grey guernseys is in fact an African Elephant (which are considerably larger than their Asian cousins, with full grown males weighing in at about 7 tonnes as compared with the mere 5 tonne of an Asian male) The Elephant from the jumper was of course lifted from the guernsey of one of the powerhouses of Romanian Softball - The East Bucharest Asian Elephants, so this news came as a big surprise to team management.

To clear the good name of the club the Elephants have employed an international consultant to investigate the claim with the startling dicovery that the Lao Elephant depicted on the jumper is actually a hybred cross between an Asian Elephant and South-East Australian wombat. David Attenborough is said to be very very interested in doing a documentary on said Elebat Womphant (elefantus wombatius).

Club mascot Sunny Forsyth was quoted as saying "wow".

Elephants are not, and never have been, native to Romania.

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LAO ELEPHANTS INVITED TO ASIAN CHAMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If a kick in the ass was needed, a gigantic steel capped boot spray painted in awesome has well and truly been supplied to the Elephants Backside. In what is sure to be the single biggest day in the short history of the Democratic Republic, the Lao Elephants have been invited to play in the Asian Afl Championships in Singapore on September 6th 2008!!!!

Following the announcement club mascot Andrew "Dr Poo" Williamson was quoted as saying "i think my parents are considering a weekend in Noosa that weekend, so I might not be available". As fate would have it seconds later he received what witnesses have described as "a wedgie for the ages" from Sepo recruit Chris "i really, really want to start hurting people...now" Manley. Needless to say everyone is very, very excited about Singapore.

More details on the Asian Champs to Follow.

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LAO ELEPHANTS WEBSITE NEEDS KICK IN ASS.

Yes, the Lao Elephants need something. Something Big.

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TRI-NATIONS MATCH REPORTS

The Team
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November 17th 2007 will always be remembered as a great day in the history of the Lao People's Democratic Republic as it saw the debut of the Lao Elephants - its first and only National Australian Rules Football Team. Leading up to the day things were not looking good with a squad that had been decimated by injuries and softness (a curse that had seen some of our greatest talent fall by the wayside with excuses so lame it led to the destruction of talat sao at the behest of an angry national President....but that is a whole other story....).

Upon arriving at Wattay Airport the squad had 13 fit players, several of which were not 100% on the rules yet. In the immigration queue this scribe was approached by a transparent Irish chap who said something incomprehensible to me and pointed at the football I was carrying. Like most human beings I am terrified of the Irish and offered him the footy immediately just in case he was in a fightin' mood....As it turned out him and his 7 travelling pals were gaelic footballers from the west coast of Ireland.....like a gift sent from a jig dancing, guiness drinking, lepricorn loving god a light bulb flashed above my head and all of a sudden our squad had swelled to 21 and our hopes had skyrocketed!

Despite losing the Irish lads on Friday night, they were found again on Saturday morning headed out to the ground with us following the jumper ...

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Elephants vs Swans vs Tigers Hanoi Nov 17th!!!!

The Elephant Cup
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This Saturday November 17th the Lao Elephants international debut will take place versus the Vietnam Swans and Thailand Tigers in a massive tri nations at the United Nations International School in Hanoi. The Elephants first ever match will be against the Swans at 12.30pm, followed immediately by a clash with the Tigers. A huge crowd is expected in footy mad Hanoi - bring it on!!

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