Asian Champs Match Report One - Vs Singapore
11 Sep 2009, 05:51am Posted by MartyGreat Success! The Elephants have returned from their second Asian championships with another epic victory in their throbbing trunks. On a typically steaming hot day in KL at the home of aristocratic Malaysian footy - the magnificent Polo Club, the Phants put up another history making performance to once again smash arch-rival Vietnam and come within a fu Manchu of knocking off the 1 billion + strong Chinese side.
Amongst a sea of buff investment bankers from the major Asian financial capitals (and some more geographically challenged folks from further west....) the Phants as usual stood out like the sporting equivalent of an episode of all creatures great and small. As has always been the way in Asian footy - the Phants do things just a bit differently and looked every bit the Grade 5 Steiner school PE class in comparison with our highly funded, highly gymed opponents.
With the side already possessing the greatest jersey in world footy the Coach produced some of his finest work at the Friday jumper presentations with the unveiling of the new phants grey playing thong. These tiny polyester G-bangers straight from the catwalks of Milan gave the Phants a real air of Je ne sais quoi, prompting one impressed spectator to remark ‘Yes'. Sadly, the Sepo let down nature lovers everywhere by not taking the exciting journey into a pair of mediums.
Appearances, however can be deceiving and as is the norm the Elephants bonded like only a group of 5 tonne probiscadae can, trunks a swinging, ears aloft, stomp stomp stomp....
Game 1 - Lao Elephants versus Singapore Wombats
The Phants first game of the day was with the formidable pre-tournament co-favourites the Singapore Wombats. Always a powerhouse of Asian football the Wombats came in with an impressively massive squad somewhere in the vicinity of the population of Lao. With more sponsorship behind them than Laotian annual GDP this was real David and Goliath stuff. Or perhaps more pertinently - Lee Kuan Yew versus Kaisone Phomvihane, the two contrasting faces of modern Asia. Could the youthful exuberance of the young pink socialists match the calculated, measured, disciplined footy of the non chewers of gum from the island state?
Things were lively from the bounce and within 2 minutes the Phants were in serious injury trouble. First Frenchy dislocated his shoulder in a spear tackle, then the coach copped a ripper in the face trunk, before Phil went down with a osteitis shoulderus. The coach in particular looked bad with blood pissing from his face trunk and he himself as delirious as Eddy Murphy in a red vinyl suit. The ex-coach told him to harden up and eat a mouth full of concrete but even that didn't help. Things looked bad......
Meanwhile on field the Phants were having a real dip. Sepo was winning taps, the prez was in amongst it and the new n' improved 09 model snakes was looking a million kip. As usual Wil selfishly dived to the bottom of each and every pack. If ever there was a bloke that needed to prove himself to his teammates it's Andrew. Time and time again when the opportunity to stand back and get an easy handball receive was on the cards Wil narcissistically threw himself in on top opposition players.
All four Lao players- Captain Souk, Vice Captain Sai, and the two debutants Phisay and Boy performed very well against Singapore and throughout the whole day. These four are the future of footy in the PDR. The Elephants were the only side in the champs with indigenous players in their squad with four Lao players pulling on the pink and grey - a 100% increase from last year. Souk's disappointment at the lack of umbrellas in the game day show bags was short-lived as not for the first time in his distinguished career he became the most successful Lao captain of all time.
Debutants Tricky, Lukey, Willo, and Barnsy adapted quickly to the frenetic pace of Asian football and all put in great performances. Our defence stood up magnificently against the torrent of Bat attacks. The Huntsman and Thommo provided stability in the face of repeated quick balls forward proving that there is life in a post Bruce Knox world.
Noone kept score for this game but its likely in the end that the Bats just got up. The performance against the Singaporean sea of humanity was admirable and the Phants could hold their trunks up high going into game 2 against the Bali Geckos.
Game 2 to follow shortly....
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