COACH HASSETT IN IVORY SCANDAL, DENIES ANY INVOLVEMENT
25 Jun 2008, 02:34pm Posted by MartyCoach Hassett of the Lao Elephants has vehemently denied any knowledge of the 200kg of ivory found under his Vientiane mansion earlier this week. According to club sources the coach has distanced himself from the ivory, pointing his finger squarely at members of the visiting Jakarta Bintangs who recently graced his 19 bedroom house for petanque, boule, bocce, and scones during their tour of indochina. Hassett, a self-confessed lover of all things pachyderm was visibly shaken when confronted about the find but has suggested that his accusers should "go and @@#$@ a big #!**# with a @#$@@*" if they think he would be involved in anything to do with such a disturbing find.
Hassett has been the coach of the Lao Elephants since June 2007. He is one of the co-founders of the club and if found guilty shockwaves would resonate throughout Asian football. As a footballer Hassett's career has been shaped by a hatred of failure, a lack of success, and an inability to grow hamstrings. Brash, outspoken, occasionally brilliant, and always ready to call a spade a shovel, Hassett began his career as a bratty 4 year old in freezing Canberra where as a child footballer he enjoyed pulling opponents hair and throwing ever-present Canberra snow into their faces. As an adult he was suspended for a record 83 matches in a 200 game career, and alas to this day a best and fairest has avoided him. As coach of the elephants he has guided the club to 3 nearly victories and coming up to the Elephants 1 year anniversary on May 27th everyone at the club is saying.....say it aint so Coach.....say it aint so........
stay tuned.....
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